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Best Funny Top Trending Jokes In Kenya
Lakini hii Kenya ni kama kila mtu anavutanga bangi😂
Nimeuliza waiter kama Kuna ugali ya mbao, alafu ananiambia ati wanauza ya Unga tu😂😂😂……Jarz
Leo tumeambia mtoto wetu aombee chakula akaanza, ”Mungu baba Mwenyezireh”…Imebidi maombi isimamishwe kwanza akulwe mishipi ya matako na mzae??…Willy Paul hatutaki ujinga ….Jarz
Our high school Mathematics teacher shouldn’t know any better;
“I met with my Maths teacher yesterday. We greeted and he asked for directions to Equity Bank, I told him to make a 360 turn and walk for like 1.8meters, then find the coefficient of X using Pythagoras theorem and round it up to the nearest tens. He’ll will see a big pharmacy which is perpendicular to his right, then make an obtuse angle turn, he’ll will see the bank at a distance of about the logarithm of 7 and using four figure table to the Anti- log. Let him feel what I felt when I was in school…. I think he should be lost by now. Sipendi ujinga Mimi.”.……Jarz
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I was fired from an Mpesa shop coz I kept asking the customers “nguo ama?” everytime they asked “naeza toa?” ? ? ? .……Jarz
Nimetoka kukata tikiti apo Kangaroo shuttle wakaniambia kuna seat moja imebaki, Mi kuangalia vizuri nikaona hakuna nafasi but kuangalia mbele nkachecky seat ya dere haina mtu!!..Sai tuko almost Nakuru dere alibaki.……Jarz
I was at the pharmacy this morning when a Drunkard entered the shop and shouted, “give me a Condom”.. Pharmacist at the counter asked him,”Cant you use a decent language??? The Drunkard Kibet quickly unzipped his trousers and placed his Penis on the counter and asked…….”Uko na Cheget ya hii changili? .……Jarz
Sa juzi nimecall crush wa me, kiboy kikapick na kikaanza kuniuliza maswali ati we ni nani, mbona unacall dame yangu, me nikamjibu ‘naitwa Kimani doctor yake mwenye simu, aliniambia niwe namcall kumkumbusha akunywe A.R.V zake, mazishi ya huyo boy ni sato.……Jarz
Juzi neighbor yangu alikuja akaniambia nipunguze sauti ya radio anataka kulala. Leo akipika chapoo na mimi nkamwambia apunguze harufu ya chapati nataka kula ugali. Saa hii tuko kwa landlord tunaongea hio maneno..……Jarz
Jamaa kaingia kwenye restaurant kwa fujo
JAMAA: Nipe soda moja na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapokunywa soda napenda kila mtu anywe
WATU: Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
JAMAA: Nipe mchemsho na kila mtu mpe wa kwake maana ninapokula mchemsho napenda kila mtu ale wake
WATU: Watu weweeee!
Tena safari hii Na makofi juu..
JAMAA: Mhudumu, nipe bili na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapolipa bili napenda kuona kila mtu analipa yake.……Jarz
Ushawahi katia dem hadi akakucall kukuambia ati uende kwao juu hakuna mtu? Alafu unafika kwao unapata pia yeye hayuko… Enyewe madem hawapendi ujinga.……Jarz
Vile hii jua ni kali unaeza fikiria jua kali ametoa collabo na redsan😂😂😂
Uzuri ya Kuwa mnono ni ati hapo tao huwezi pigwa ngeta, Watatafuta hiyo shingo hadi wachoke😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 ……Jarz
Unatembea na dem mfupi tao, anategwa anaingia kwa bag ya mtu😂😂😂😂😂😂😂……Jarz
Ushawai omba dem vitu hadi unaona ni kama hana?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
Meanwhile, A slay queen from kayole kwa mat za forward travellers……Jarz
Her: Oyaa deree cheza na PANTY
Driver: Ati nini wewe?
Her: Shukishaaa..
Nimeenda🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂?💦🔥……Jarz
Kuna mtu amenitext ‘ae’ nikareply ‘iou’…… Saii ameniblock 😂😂😂😂😂😂ni kama hapendi watu wanajua vowels zote……Jarz
Jarz: Juma : Hae beb nimepata job.
Girl: Woow!!! That’s sweet,
now honey we will be going
shopping….
Juma : Yeah….
Girl: (Jumping up and down )
umeget job wapi?
Juma : kwa Bible….
Girl: Beb sikuelewi…as in?Juma : As in Kwa Bible after the
book of Esther.
Girl: Nkt!…Magoti ya mchawi
wewe!!! ……Jarz
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
LADDIES ONLY!!!!!!!
HOW TO INCREASE YOUR HIPS USING HONEY..take a drop of honey,rub it at your hips and buttocks then gently walk near a bee hive.within a minute if there is no change,sue me…thank me
later.👌👌👌……Jarz
Jarz: Hawa madem huvuta weed na shisha sijui dowry price yao itakuwa ng’ombe ama viberiti 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Jarz: I have a side chick who is a police officer 👮 ,she just comes in uniform and arrest me in presence of my wife and takes me to her home till next day. Then she takes me back and tellls my wife “we are not done with investigating and I shall pick him anytime “
😂😂 wisdom and planning will kill me😂😂 ……Jarz
Kwa nyumba yako sufuria ya simba …
Kiberiti ni ya rhino….. Mafuta ya kupika ni kasuku….. Kijiko ni ya kangaroo…….
Unga ni ya ndovu na wewe mwenyewe ni fisi. Hio sio nyumba Ni game park. ama namna gani
😂😂😂😂😂😂……Jarz
AndiKa kwa udogo
Mwalimu:Lori la mawe limewekwa speed gavana.
Mwnafunzi: pick up ya kokoto imewekwa speed seneta.
Hapo ndipo mwalimu anasema heri babako angebet na fee yako
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂……Jarz
The son argued with his father insisting that 1 + 1 was equal to 11.
The father looked at the son and said: going to buy 2 boiled eggs, the son went and returned with the two eggs.
The father said, Give one for me and another for your brother,
And the son asks: What about mine?
The father responds: eat the nine eggs that are left … stubborn!……Jarz
Aki some Kenyan men need to be taught how to romance…
Yaani unapata mwanaume anatwist nipple nikama anatafuta radio frequency
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂……Jarz
Kidogo kidogo unawatch TV unaskia mamako amesema ” na hizo vyombo zisilale kwa sink”
Unaskia kumuuliza Kumuuliza nani amekuambia ziko na usingizi😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂……Jarz
I borrowed a bike from one of my Luhya friends..after 30minets the guy texted me ‘RIP’!! I was like, dude I’m not dead!! He then replied “namaanisha Rutisha Iyo Paik!! ……Jarz
During sex with my wife, I suddenly stopped and didn’t move. She said, “What are you doing?”
And I was like “Hush, I saw this on Pornhub, it’s called buffering.”😂😂😂😂😂😂……Jarz
It’s only in Africa that someone will come to your child’s naming ceremony, eat and leave without knowing the name of the child. ……JarzI love my people. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
No matter how beautiful your wedding decoration appears to be
It will still make no sense to people who didn’t eat
😂😂😂😂Endeleeni kungoja the right one.
Some of you will attend primary school parents meetings at the age of 60.🤭😂😂
Listening to you wife is like looking at the terms and conditions of a website.
You understand nothing but still agree. ……Jarz
🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓When you are trained, you become a trainee, When you are nominated, you become a nominee, What happens when you are kissed, do you become a Kisii??🤷🏿♂🤷🏿♂🤷🏿♂🤷🏿♂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂You’ll be dating your girl in peace and then 1 fool will give her a lift in a Range Rover Sport….and she will start behaving like an android phone which needs to be flashed..🤣🤣🤣White kid : Sorry mom I’ll try harder next term
Black kids: ahh but I’m not the only one who failed..🤣🤣……Jarz
Ladies are you tired of being single,are you tired of waiting for Mr right,do you want to get married tomorrow?
Get yourself a man you gets 5 likes on Facebook and settle down,they are the best husband materials..
If a girl says to you “I will let you know when I’m free” please love yourself and move on with your life because she won’t even remember you. ……Jarz
Ayee April babies! mbona hampigi kelele kama wale wengine husema Legends were born in March… Queens were born in February ama mnadhani mkinyamaza hatutajua ‘Fools were born in April
Ploti mzima imetulia ni tokens ndo zinaimba tu. Sahi ukinyandua mdem na bed imeregea, ata msee ako 5th floor atasikia😂😂😂……Jarz jokes
Kuna madem wengine huwa wanafinywa na kila mtu kama ile ndimu ya mtu wa Mahindi.
A woman should wait for the right man in her life but it doesn’t mean that she can’t have a good time with the wrong ones before apate,,,that’s where some men like me come in.……Jarz
A man can love you from the bottom of his heart and still have room at the top of his heart for another girl,,
Nobody understands that except nature……Jarz
If you text Hi to your crush and she doesn’t reply please my brother Refuse to be defeated,Be strong and text her ‘HI PART 2’😆😆😳😳……Jarz
You keep on requesting contact numbers from every girl you meet, Ah my brother are you registering sim cards?😄😄……Jarz
5 WAYS FOR A MAN TO BE COMPLETELY HAPPY
1. Be with a woman who makes you laugh
2. Be with a woman who gives you her time
3. Be with a woman who takes care of you
4. Be with a woman who really loves you
5. Finally, make sure these four women don’t know each other!😂😂😂
If you visit a guy and he takes your slippers inside….My sister forget it, you are a side chick…Don’t wait for another person to tell you.……Jarz
Sometimes I see a guy and a lady walking along the streets while holding and hugging each other and I’m like,”could she be my future wife misbehaving in my presence?.……Jarz
Am Sure Hapa Kuna Dem anataka tukatiane But She Won’t inbox Me Coz anaona Naeza take Screenshot,
Noo Babe i can’t Do That, Just hit my inbox Me Ni Mtu Mzima niko na Ndevu🤣🤣……Jarz
never understand why ladies switch off lights, draw curtains, lock doors to dress up and later come out half naked.
But my sister why?? …are u cursed😂😂……Jarz
TO those girls who feels they are too big and busy to reply my message a time will come when you will be desperate for a husband and I will text you; 👇
Me; how are you doing?📩
Reply: yes I do
Kama unaitwa “Collo” and you’ve asked your bae if ukuje kwake and she’s replied “Sifeel poa, niko bed tu, labda kesho” she’s lying. Tuko nayeye hapa kwa manyanga ya Ronga nitakusho place atashukia.😂😂😂……Jarzv
Dame akiteguka mguu tao unaskia dume zikimwambia pole sana madam😂😂😂 lakini mwanaume akiteguka unaskia zikisema,yule naye anatembeaje? Lazima awe mlevi ama mwizi
So a guy who got a Matiang’is E in Biology is telling a girl to open up her heart. my friend kazi ya udaktari huwezani jaribu driving school😆😆……Jarz
Refusing to send TRANSPORT have made a lot of Men to lose their future wives. Be wise and send the money today.😂😂😂……Jarz
U think u know me very well 😏 ?
OK how is the shape of my KIDNEY
Tell me
If you have no intentions of marrying her, 1 round is enough. Stop drilling our future wives for nothing.😂😂……Jarz
Since I borrow 1k from SAFARICOM .They have been sending me SMS Like recharge 1k and get 2cars and 1house in Nakwamekwi Village
Jarz: watu huteta sana ju ya paper bags kutolewa ni wale walikua lazima wabebe chakula na paper wakitoka sherehe.
So much wisdom on People’s WhatsApp status, so much foolishness when you start chatting with them.……Jarz
Don’t leave the girl that was cooking for you when you were broke because you can afford to buy Pizza & burger now.😆😆
I Think The Person Who Told Africans That
Shoes Are Kept Under The Bed Is The Same
Person who Told Them That Clothes Are
Washed On Weekend.😝😝😝……Jarz
Unaskiza rhumba hadi zinashika unaanza kufikiria Mambo ya retirement na hauna kazi😄😄😄……Jarz
Kidogo kidogo utasikia kuna mama Rhino imejitokeza ikisema iko na mtoto wa SUDAN😂😂 hii ni Kenya, land of all possibilities
Jarz: If she gonna go around telling people that you are not good in bed, my brother next time have sex with her on the floor.……Jarz
Unaiba viatu za Mkamba,unazivaa
,zinakupeleka kwake😆😆😆……Jarzv
You find a graduate bragging that they can’t do some jobs because they have a degree, moreover just 1degree..,,,,, yet a thermometer has 100 degrees and works under armpits*😂😂😂
Dear next girlfriend, if you ever tell me you need space am gonna buy you a 32gb memory card,there’s no way l will go anywhere when we start dating,,we will be together until you cheat..……Jarz
You can kill a woman’s heart by fucking with a lot of Hoes forgetting that she can kill you by just fucking with one nigga..😆😆……Jarz
Hey guys, nawaalika kwa harambee next Saturday my friend was attacked by thugs ….we need 800,000 niende China nikasomee karate.Am the only hope in our area……Jarz
Usiku nilileta dem kwa beshte yangu nikamwambia apo ndio kwangu. Saitan nimeoga nikakosa nguo Ya kuvaa juu zote ni kubwa sasa dem anauliza kama naishi na dad😂😂😂……Jarz
Sex is so stupid..imagine moving backwards and forward,screaming and sweating, just for a liquid to pass out.*
*Useless😋😂😂……Jarz
